Quit while you're ahead//Consider it mutual . . .

Wed, Aug 10, 2011 at 1:01 AM By: TrashedWithABitterSweetEnding19

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I just NEED TO STOP thinking, in general.
That's my problem and the reason everything that's wrong with me.

When you over think, you overheat.
When you overheat, you over hurt.

I seem stronger than I really am.
We all create that tough-guy disguise.
We pretend we are invincible and try to
fake that 'nothing can hurt me' mentality
when everyone is watching . . .

I think about too many things at once,
they eventually bleed together and it
becomes overwhelming, to the point
where I can't even distinguish one
problem or feeling from another.
Therefore, I can't even explain or put
my thoughts into words anymore.

Only the basic emotions show what
I could be thinking:
Angry, depressed, worthless, apathetic, etc . . .

Emotion is easy to decipher.
Giving an explanation? Not so much.

The worst . . .
is when someone promises they would NEVER
hurt you, then they go and break that promise.
It diminishes trust and that creates a problem.
If the promise was never made, it wouldn't be
difficult to deal with or as painful . . .
The unexpected is always expected when it remains
unexpected.

I've learned to accept and live with disappointment,
so it doesn't hurt as bad . . .

People don't understand the difference between trust
and feeling 'safe' around someone.

Trust isn't telling a secret, hoping they will take it to the
grave because you wouldn't be thinking . . .
'are they going to tell someone?' every night.
It doesn't eat away in the back of your sub-conscience.

Trust is KNOWING it's confidential when you suddenly
say something or even do something, then already
realize that the person will not place judgement upon you.

It's my fault I don't trust anyone, not someone else's.
I second guess everything and I always think the worst
possible outcome is what will happen . . .

All smoke and mirrors, just like people.
Fake and wearing a disguise.
It's just the public's false sense of security
to avoid the reality.

  1. xxrainingdeadxx avatar

    On Thu, Aug 11, 2011 at 6:14 AM, xxrainingdeadxx said:

    I can relate to that because so far in 17 years I know how it feels. :l I second guess everything I say to everyone, except one friend. Who I know would keep it away from people, even if they tied her to an electric chair and said "tell us or die.". She would rather die, then give something secrete away. If you need anything at all let me know and Ill help if I can because believe me, I know how you feel.. and it hurts.

    ~Ryan

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