Quit while you're ahead//Consider it mutual . . .
I just NEED TO STOP thinking, in general.
That's my problem and the reason everything that's wrong with me.
When you over think, you overheat.
When you overheat, you over hurt.
I seem stronger than I really am.
We all create that tough-guy disguise.
We pretend we are invincible and try to
fake that 'nothing can hurt me' mentality
when everyone is watching . . .
I think about too many things at once,
they eventually bleed together and it
becomes overwhelming, to the point
where I can't even distinguish one
problem or feeling from another.
Therefore, I can't even explain or put
my thoughts into words anymore.
Only the basic emotions show what
I could be thinking:
Angry, depressed, worthless, apathetic, etc . . .
Emotion is easy to decipher.
Giving an explanation? Not so much.
The worst . . .
is when someone promises they would NEVER
hurt you, then they go and break that promise.
It diminishes trust and that creates a problem.
If the promise was never made, it wouldn't be
difficult to deal with or as painful . . .
The unexpected is always expected when it remains
I've learned to accept and live with disappointment,
so it doesn't hurt as bad . . .
People don't understand the difference between trust
and feeling 'safe' around someone.
Trust isn't telling a secret, hoping they will take it to the
grave because you wouldn't be thinking . . .
'are they going to tell someone?' every night.
It doesn't eat away in the back of your sub-conscience.
Trust is KNOWING it's confidential when you suddenly
say something or even do something, then already
realize that the person will not place judgement upon you.
It's my fault I don't trust anyone, not someone else's.
I second guess everything and I always think the worst
possible outcome is what will happen . . .
All smoke and mirrors, just like people.
Fake and wearing a disguise.
It's just the public's false sense of security
to avoid the reality.