I Wanna Go Home...

Tue, Mar 27, 2012 at 2:27 AM By: TwistedTsinga

I Hate This Place, So Much. I Really Do, It's Going To Kill Me Eventually. I Want Somewhere That Shows Love And Safety, But I Keep Losing The Places That Have Such Things.

Where I Am Right Now Is Not A Home It's Just And Anger Driven Shit Hole. I Want To Go Home To Be With The One's That Are Supposed To Know Me And Love me. How Can I Possibly Improve In An Environment Like This, Where The People Who Are Supposed To Care For Me And Make Me Feel Safe Make Me Feel Scared Of The World. Scared Of Them, Scared Of Myself. I Don't Want To Live Here, i Don't Want To Die Here. I Just Don't Want To be Here.

My Mom Is Always Angry, I Hate It When She's Angry. She Always Tells Me That I Can Come To Her With my Problems, But I Can't. How Can I Tell Someone Who Is Forever Angry That i Don't Want To Be Alive Anymoore. I Don't Need My Own Mother Telling Me I'm An Idiot Or To Shut Up, I Don't Tell Anyone My Deepest Secrets. But I Fear These Secrets Will Eventually Lead To My Death, And Maybe That's A Good Thing.

Eventually Everyone Will Get Sikk Of Me, They'll Start Hating me, Ignoring Me, Not Talking To Me And Leave Me. Why? Because Everyone Eventually Does. The Abandonment I Can't Stand, But Have I A Choice? NO I Don't, Abandonment Is All I'm Used To And Abandonment Is All I Deserve. If I Die No-One Will Miss Me.

I Wanted Love From My Parents but Instead I Got Nothing. Will They Be Sad When I Leave? Maybe, Most Likely Not. My Mom Can Tell Me 1,000 Times Over That She Loves Me, But If She's Angry All The Time Love Is Something I Really Don't See. My Father, He's Just As Angry As My Mom, And My Brother, My Little Brother, Who At Times Was My Best Friend Is Always Angry And Yelling Too.

Maybe After I Die Things Will Get Better Here, There's Probably A Good Chance It Will. It's Pretty Messed Up Isn't It, I Can't Confide In My Parents And Family, But I Pour My Heart Out In Blogs On The Internet To People I Have Never And Probably Will Never Meet, It Doesn't Make Alot Of Sense Does It?

But That's What Life Is Like, It's Messed Up, It Doesn't Make Any Sense. Confusing The World Is, And It Keeps getting Moore Confusing. I Just Want The Confusion To Stop.

I Want The Pain To Stop, It's getting To Hard To Bear. This Is Too Much For My confused Brian.

I Don't Wanna Be Alive Anymoore. Everyone Can All Get Fukked. I Hate You All, You All Did This To me!!
Who Am I Kidding! It's My Fault. Everything Is My Fault.

This Family Is Breaking Up Because Of Me, If I Wasn't A Mental Fukk Up Maybe Life Would Be Happier, Who Wants To Live With Someone So Retarded?! Fukkin No-One. No Wonder I Can't Do Anything Right. I'll Always Be A Failure.

All The Shit I Was Called In School....They Were All Completely RIGHT!!!

There Seems To Be No Love Left Here Anymoore, It's Gone...And So Am I
~Tsinga

  1. cdu avatar

    On Tue, Mar 27, 2012 at 7:07 PM, cdu said:

    Hey - don't give up. Never give in. There are resources in Melbourne that can help, e.g. beyond blue, try calling them.
    Never think that you wouldn't be missed - all us Korn fans are on your side :)

  2. Wind Dancer avatar

    On Tue, Mar 27, 2012 at 5:42 PM, Wind Dancer said:

    I can relate to all that you feel, because I have lived a similar story. Not anymore spectacular than yours; no matter how you throw a stone across the water, it always has the same rippling effect. All the same twisiting you inside.

    ou do have choice, you can stand up erect and fight back (I am not talking lower yourself-fueling the fire). I would have to say YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT, without even knowing you. Does it really matter what others think of you? Do they really dictate of what sort of person you are inside your inner shell? Fuck no! Love yourself and provide your own safety, do not depend on others, otherwise, you will more than likely be disappointed everytime. I can assure you at the end of the day, you will laugh inside when you are called an idiot from your own flesh/blood.

    Everyone abandoning you (you are not alone) I agree you do not deserve it, you always have you though, do not abandon yourself-embrace yourself, holding on tight.

    You can only be a failure, if you choose to be. You have a powerful mind use it, use it in the right rather than tearing down, and fuck all those who have branded you in this way.

    You deserve to be happy do not forget it! You deserve to live! Nothing is your fault, the only thing that is your fault is the way you choose to react to the bullshit.

    I hope you are not offended with my emotional spill, I hope you give some of it a thought; food for ponder.


    Callie

  3. justahellava avatar

    On Tue, Mar 27, 2012 at 10:04 AM, justahellava said:

    you always have a chance to turn things around,i hear ya i see ya hey love to you

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