These Months Numbering 12...
Well It's Not Long Until Christmas Now. Where Has The Year Gone?
There is Something Almost Bittersweet About This Year Ending, I've Done Some Drastic Things(not alot of them good) And Made Some Drastic Changes In My Life This Year.
But Mainly I'll Associate This Year As The Year I Was Abandoned, Mistreated, Backstabbed And Manipulated. I'll Remember it As One Of The Hardest Years I Faced. Relapse Is A Bitch.
But There Were Some Good Times :), KoRn's 'Path Of Totality' For Example Was A Definate Highlight, Skrillex's New EP Comes Out On Beatport.com On Friday. I Also Discovered Deadmau5 this Year, I Discovered Skrillex This Year :) This Is The Year Where I Broke That Promise I Made in 9th Grade, A Promise That I Would Never Listen To Electronic Music Ever Again (:P Playing Deadmau5 As I Wirte This)
This Year Hasn't Been Without Hardships Either Though: I Left Orygen Youth Heatlh, A Counselling Service I Was Actually Comfortable With, I Was Taken Into A New Counselling Service That, As To Date, Have Done Nothing For Me.
I Relapsed Several Times, I Nearly Died Serveral Times, I Had The Cops Called On Me And Numerous Trips To The ER/ED
But I've Also Found Solace In Alot Of Things That Have Helped Me Deal With The above Problems: For One, I Found You Guys, My KoRn Family, That, So Unlike My Biological Family, Have Given Me Support, Love And Kindness Throughout My Rough Journey.
I Found The Reason Why Music Helps Me And People Don't, I Have Met Some Of The Most Amazing People Through This Site.
I have Been The Helper And The Helped At Simultanious Times.
I Have Fallen Deeper In Love With KoRn And Jonathan Davis. I Have Fallen In Love With Sonny Moore And Joel Zimmerman. And My Heart Just Keeps Getting Bigger To Accomodate The Ever Growing Love And Admiration i Have For These Three Men I Have Never Met, But Who Have Saved My Life And Made Me Happier Than Anyone Has Ever Made Me :) I Would Gladly Jump In Front Of A Bullet For These Men, Who Through Their Music Have Made Me Feel Loved, Accepted, Safe And Happy. Through Tears I Gain Strength (a saying that is not always true). These Three Men Have Saved me From Suicide, And Indeed Are The ONLY reasons Why I Am Alive Today Typing This Blog.
I Have Felt Love, I Have Felt Hate, All Throughout These Months Numbering 12. I Have Never Faced Harder Times Than These. The Change Inevitable Has Never Been Moore Prominent And Never Has It Cut And Scared So Deep, These Scars Everlasting. For Some Reason, As I Sit Staring At My Computer Screen I Can't Help But Wonder Why I Am Still Here.
Surly I Should've Died Numerous Times. I Feel It Is The Music That Saved Me, It Was Always The Music, And Always Will Be :)
So Here We Are, Me Typing, You Reading. I Want To Thank My Entire KoRn Family. I Want To Thank JD, Munk, Feildy And Ray For Being The Best Fukkin' Band. I Want To Thank Joel, Sonny And JD Collectivly For Being There For Me, They Mean The Fukking World To Me.
And To You, The Reader And My Greater KoRn Faimly I Will Say: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Have A Safe And Happy Holiday, And See You In 2012!
I FOKKIN' LUH U GUYZZ!!!!