Playboy Adult Jokes (18+) Part 2

Sun, Feb 19, 2012 at 2:16 PM By: VIRUS

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Chocked.

One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky, so he tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm to indicate that he wanted sex. The wife turned over and said, “I’m sorry, dear but I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow. And I want to stay fresh.”
Dejected, the husband turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later he rolled back and whispered in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment, too?”

A man and his two friends were talking at a bar. His first friend said, “I think my wife is having sex with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed.”
His second friend said, “I think my wife is having sex with the plumber. The other day I found pipe wrench under the bed.”
The man said, “That’s nothing. I think my wife is having sex with a horse.”
Both his friends looked at him in disbelief.
I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under the bed.”

A boy came home from school one day and said to his mom, “Guess what happened to me in school today. I had sex with my teacher!”
His mom became very upset and screamed, “Go to you room! We’ll tell your father what you did when he gets home.”
When the father came home, the boy told him. “Way to go son,” the father replied. “let’s go buy you a new bicycle.”
When they came out of the shop with a brand-new bike, the father asked, “Do you want to ride it home?”
“No,” the boy replied. “My ass still hurts.”

A man went to his optometrist to have his eyes examined. The doctor told him, “Listen, you’ve got to stop masturbating.”
“Why, Doc?” the man asked. “Am I going blind?”
“No,” said the optometrist. “But you’re upsetting my other patients.”
A man was looking for work at a blacksmith shop. The blacksmith asked him, “cam you shoe horses?”
“I’m not sure,” the man said, “but I once told a donkey fuck off.”

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of newborn puppies when George W. Bush came by on his morning run. Bush asked the boy what the puppies were.
The boy said, “Republicans.”
The president beamed, patted the boy on the head and said, “Thatta boy!”
A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow. Bush stopped at the boy house, winked at Dick and said, “Hey, kid, what kind of puppies are in the box?”
The boy said, ‘Democrats.”
Bush looked crushed and said. “What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans.”
“Well,” the boy said, “that was before they opened their eyes.”

In the beginning God created the earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has rested.

A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
Why are you rubbing that on your face, mommy?” he asked.
‘To make myself beautiful,” said his mother.
A few minutes later she began removing the cream with tissue. “What’s the matter?” asked the little boy. “Giving up?”

Why don’t women have brain? Because they don’t have a penis to carry them in.

  1. cdu avatar

    On Wed, Feb 22, 2012 at 2:56 PM, cdu said:

    funny

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