Playboy Adult Jokes (18+)
How is a thong like barbed-wire fence?
It protect the property without obstructing the view.
Honey,”” Said a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
What? Are you crazy?” The wife replied. The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal.”
I know all that,” he said.
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper”? She asked.
He replied, “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
A mother asked her daughter what she wanted for her birthday. The little girl replied, “I want a Barbie and G.I.Joe.”
“G.I.Joe?” the mother asked. “I thought Barbie and ken.”
The daughter replied, “no she comes with G.I.Joe. She fakes it with ken.”
Why did god give women a belly button?
So there’s a place to stash your gum on the way down.
One day George W. Bush was leading three cows into the white house. A marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said, “Nice cows sir,”
The president replied, “These are no just any cows; these are authentic Texas Black Angus cows. I got one for Laura, one for Barbara and one for Jenna,”
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted and replied, “Nice trade, sir.”
Two guys were discussing attitudes about sex, marriage and family values
The first man said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married. Did you?
“I’m not sure,” the second replied. “what was her maiden name?’
A precious little girl walked into a pet shop and asked with a lisp, “Excuthe me, Mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?”
The Shopkeeper’s heart melted, and he knelt down beside her and asked, “Do you want a widdle white Wabbit or thoft bwack one?”
The little girl replied, “I don’t ’think my python gives a thit.” An old man went to the doctor for his yearly physical, and his wife tagged along. The doctor entered the examination room and told the man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.”
The old man, being hard to hearing, looked at his wife and yelled, “What did he say?” His wife yelled back, “He needs your underwear.”
A husband bought a new brand of condom named Olympic. When he got home he informed his wife of his purchase.
“Olympic condoms?” she asked. “What makes them so special?”
“The are three colors,” he replied. “Gold, silver, and bronze.”
“What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asked cheekily.
”Gold, of course,” said the man proudly.
“Why don’t you wear silver?” the wife responded. “It would be nice if you came second for a change.”
The movie Brokeback Mountain is ushering in a new wave of western, but in this genre the good guys get it in the end.
A tour bus traveling through Nevada drove by the Mustang Ranch.
The guide noted, “We are now passing the largest house of prostitution in America.” To which a male passenger shouted. “Why?”
Three buddies went on a skiing trip, but the hotel was overbooked, so they all had to share a king-size bed in a single room. In the morning one guy said, “I had a strange dream last night that I was being jerked off.”
“That’s odd, ” another guy said. “I had the same dream.”
The guy who had slept between them said,
“Uh-oh. I dreamed I was skiing.”
Why are there no smart husbands? Smart men don’t get married.