Unnecessarily Appropriate Blonde Jokes
One day a blonde decided to go horse back riding.
After a very long search, she finally found a horse she thought she could ride. Things started off well enough, slowly trotting along, but soon the undulations started going faster and faster.
Being unexperienced at horseback riding the blonde started to fall off. She tried everything, grabbing the mane, then she tried to grab the saddle, but could not hold on.
Seconds before falling off, the horse finally stopped, allowing her to get off, and gratefully thank the shopper for unplugging the mechanical horse as they were about to enter the department store.
A blonde government supervisor called in a subordinate regarding his failure to complete his last task.
Blonde: Sam, I see you only converted 4 out of the 5 books I asked you to convert to Braille. As you know our state needs to make our publications available to everyone including the blind.
Sam: Yes, of course.
Blonde: So what happened with that fifth book?
Sam: You mean the automobile driving manual?
A blink man enters a lady's bar by mistake. Finding his way to the bar, he orders a drink. After a few drinks he yells, "Does anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"
The place gets silent. Then a woman with a deep, husky voice sitting to the right of the man says, "Sir, since you are blind, I think it is only fair to let you know that
The bartender is a blonde woman.
The bouncer is a blonde woman.
The woman on your left is blonde and a professional wrestler.
I'm a six foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
Do you still want to tell that joke?"
"Nah," says the man. "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it FIVE times."
One day a blonde decided to get a cell phone. After talking with the salesman, she finally selected a model and signed up for the service.
Over the next few days she called her friends and gave them her new number.
A few days later while shopping, her phone rang for the first time.
Surprised, she answered it. It was her best friend. Completely dumbfounded, she asked in amazement, "How did you know where to call me?"
Shopping for Alligator Boots
A blonde was on vacation in Florida trying to find a pair of alligator boots to give her best friend back home. She had heard her best friend talking about them, and knew she really wanted a pair.
Finally finding a pair she thought her friend would like, she was upset when she got to the checkout and discovered she did not have enough money to buy them.
Being resourceful, she decided she wouldn't give up and had an idea of how she could get some alligator boots for her friend.
Three hours later she had to admit defeat, however, as the fourth alligator she found and shot dead had already lost his alligator boots, too.
A guy met this nice blonde girl and decided to ask her on a date. She said, “Yes,” so he took her to a football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
“It was OK,” she said. “but there’s one thing I don’t understand. When they started the game, they flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. But then, for the rest of the game, everybody around us was shouting, “Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back! I mean, it’s just a quarter.”
Caught In a Blizzard
As Lena (a blonde) was getting off work one day in the middle of winter, it was snowing heavily. Visibility was near zero. Lena finally found her car, but wondered how she was ever going to get home. She started the car to warm it up and tried to think of what to do. Then she remembered her husband, Olaf's, advice. He had told her that if she were ever caught in a snow storm, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she'd never get stuck in a snow drift.
So she waited and sure enough, a little while later a snow plow went by. Smiling, she began to follow it. Feeling a little smug, she couldn't wait to tell Olaf how she had followed his advice and got home without getting stuck.
After following the snow plow for quite a while, the plow stopped and the driver got out. He walked back to Lena's car and asked if she was all right? He was concerned because she had been following him for a long time.
"Sure," said Lena and she explained how Olaf had told her that if she ever got caught in a blizzard, she should follow a snow plow.
A little confused, the driver said, "OK you can follow me if you want to. But I'm finished with the Kmart parking lot and I'm headed for Wall-Mart next."
A Blonde Goes Shopping
While wandering through a clothes store in a shopping mall, a blonde suddenly remembers she needs a microwave. Seeing one in the back, she tells the clerk she wants to buy it. The clerk looks up, and glances at the microwave in question and says, "We can't sell that to blondes."
Irate at the apparent discrimination she decides she'll fool him, and goes home and dyes her hair to become a brunette. The next day she returns to the same store and again asks a different clerk for the microwave. Again the clerk says, "We can't sell that to a blonde impersonating a brunette."
Aghast, she thinks it's unfair discrimination and decides to try one more time, only this time as a red-head. She waits patiently outside the store until another clerk is available and once more asks to buy the microwave. Again she is disappointed to hear, "We can't sell that to a blonde impersonating a red-head."
Frustrated she asks, "How did you know I was a blonde?"
"Because, that's not a microwave, it's a TV."
A blonde was suspected of cheating on her 8th grade final exams. The teacher brought her to the front of the room and told to sit and stay quiet while he proceeded to mangle her test.
As he did this, the blonde started to laugh.
Getting even more furious, he threw the test on the ground and stomped up and down on it leaving foot prints on several ripped pages.
The blonde laughed even louder.
He was livid, finally taking her test and shredding it.
Now, the blonde was laughing uproariously.
The teacher, somewhat more calm but still red looked over and asked, "What's so funny?"
"While you weren't looking, I stood up three times."
Being a Bit Dents
A blonde took her car to the body shop after a large hailstorm had left her car badly dented. The busy owner didn't have time to work on her car at the moment, so he thought he would try and see if blondes really were as dumb as these jokes indicate.
"Oh, those dents are pretty small, you can get those dent out yourself by just blowing hard into the tailpipe." he said.
After going home and trying for an hour, she called over her best blonde friend Betty to see if Betty had any ideas.
After hearing about what she was doing she said "That'll never work, you need to close the windows first.
Hot and Cold
A blonde was shopping when she found a really striking stainless steel thermos. Fascinated, she picked it up examined it, and finally asked the clerk what it was.
"It's a thermos." he said. "It keeps some things hot, and other things cold."
That was all she needed to hear, and she bought the thermos.
The next day, her boss saw the thermos on her desk, as it really was rather striking.
"What's that?" her boss asked.
"It's a thermos." she said. "It keeps some things hot, and other things cold."
"What have you got in it?" her boss queried after a moment.
She happily answered, "I have hot coffee in it for a little later this morning, and really cold iced tea for this afternoon."
On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."
After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot said, "Let me try." He went up to the blonde and politely tried to explain to her why she needed to return to her seat in economy class.
But the blonde only replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here." Frustrated, the co-pilot returned to the cockpit. He suggested that perhaps they should have the airline call the police and have her arrested when they land.
"Wait a minute," said the pilot. "Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde." So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.
"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.
"What did you say to her?" ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.
To which the pilot replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago.