How to Fail Commiting Suicide

Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 8:52 PM By: Shawshank

Once open a time in my past, I had made the decision to kill myself. I was going to go out with a bang though. I had a little over a $1,000 in cash to spend, since dead men don't need anything in their bank accounts. I started the evening off by going out to eat at lovely greek restaurant that I had been to many times. I had my favorite meal there, and 4 or 5 drinks of liquid courage. My favourite waitress happened to be there and she picked that night of all nights to ask for my phone number, I told her I was "leaving town" that night, but gave it to her anyway. I was a little buzzed so my hand writing was even worse than normal. My tip was definitely excessive, $20 for a $35 meal, but I would be dead in a few hours didn't need the money.
My next stop was the movie theatre, I am pretty much addicted to cinema. I was determined not to die before I saw everything I wanted to that was in the theatre. Maybe I was just looking for an excuse to stay alive a few hours longer.

As I was walking to the theatre, a homeless man asked me for some money. I gave him $100 which he actually tried to give back to me, thinking it was a mistake. It is sad how honest people often are the ones with a tough break. I told him it wasn't a mistake and he was practically glowing as I walked away.

By the time I reached the theatre, I had processed his reaction and wanted more. I bought my ticket and then pulled out another $200. I asked the person selling the tickets to use the money to pay for the next 13 people's tickets, and then to keep whatever was left for herself. This caused quite a stir.
Let me tell you, if you want to have a ridiculously fun time for $100, go pay for peoples movie tickets. I felt like a war hero. The people behind me started applauding and thanking me while the theatre staff complimented me as well. one girl came up to me and said I was the coolest person she had ever met.

I never fall asleep in movies, but I did in this one because
A. The movie was in 3D and using the classes gave me a headache
B. It was notoriously boring
C. Alcohol makes me hella tired

After the movie, I found my way to some more alcohol and some goldfish, the undisputed champions of the cracker world. I was walking by a tanning salon, when I had the sudden urge to go tanning. This made absolutely no sense to me then or now, but clearly I was doing everything on impulse at that point.

The woman running the tanning place was a jerk. No tip for her.

After that, I walked to my favorite spot in the city. Here is a picture.

They actually filmed some of the movie Sucker Punch there. Anyway, I loved that pier. It was dark and raining when I went there so I was all alone. I sat there and drank the rest of the alcohol and attempted to eat the goldfish in the rain. I cried a lot. I wasnt going to leave a note or say goodbye to anybody. I had a knife I had bought earlier and was planning on sitting right on the pier, in the rain and slitting my wrists.
I don't know why but most people make small cuts before they go the whole way, I was no exception. I slid the knife over my cold wet arm and blood followed its tip. I hated the pain, but I hated the pain of living more. I was afraid to die and afraid to live.
But then I realized something. I still had more than half of my money still. I had done some pretty awesome things that day, and I could do all those same things tomorrow. What was one more day? I could always kill myself tomorrow. Why not touch one more persons life? Why not give somebody one more crazy memory before I go?

And that's why I am still here, posting one more blog.

  1. SuicidalAngel avatar

    On Tue, May 22, 2012 at 10:32 AM, SuicidalAngel said:

    your awesom

  2. Moll avatar

    On Mon, May 21, 2012 at 11:06 AM, Moll said:

    Oops my bad, thought this was Munky's blog, Shawshank you didn't bum any smokes, i don't think? unless u live around the akron area? maybe? haha but still, good that you stuck around, you're no good to us underground, and it sounds like you figured out what it's all about, =)
    and i was wrong on another point too, it was 95, :/ ooof im gettin old, they say the memory goes first......

  3. Moll avatar

    On Sun, May 20, 2012 at 8:31 PM, Moll said:

    If your on the subject of giving back, would you please pay me back the smokes u bummed? That was way back in 94, i know, at the J.A.R. in Akron, if u remember? but, i could use em?

    p.s. really glad you decided to stick around, =) never know what'll happen next?

  4. Figure09 avatar

    On Sun, May 6, 2012 at 3:45 PM, Figure09 said:

    plz dun kill urself,...

  5. BassSlapperGoodGod avatar

    On Fri, May 4, 2012 at 7:08 PM, BassSlapperGoodGod said:

    glad you're still around!

  6. bayley avatar

    On Fri, Apr 27, 2012 at 10:40 AM, bayley said:

    here i am, reading this again... :)

  7. Ow Dobol Dee Gee avatar

    On Wed, Apr 11, 2012 at 7:19 PM, Ow Dobol Dee Gee said:

    A great example of an awesome person!

  8. KoRn=PoRn avatar

    On Sat, Mar 24, 2012 at 4:19 PM, KoRn=PoRn said:

    i think about suicide but i think of what will become of me in the future and i think of the people that care for me and i realize i dont need to die

  9. bayley avatar

    On Thu, Mar 1, 2012 at 6:15 AM, bayley said:

    i read this a lot.. haha

  10. cdu avatar

    On Sun, Feb 12, 2012 at 6:15 PM, cdu said:


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