Hospice Care

Thu, Apr 10, 2014 at 8:11 AM By: Mitchie

I cannot remember if I have mentioned my grandfather in previous blogs. If not, I'll give you a much summarized explanation. He was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year and a half or two years ago. He had surgery and got a wire mesh over his ribs. We thought he was better. Later, the cancer came back, but this time it had taken over his entire body and was told he had a few months. Yeah, i tried to prepare myself for this because this previous summer, my uncle (PaPa's oldest son, age 36) passed away in his apartment. I'm still not used to all this sickness and death. It's confusing and it hurts. He was on chemo, but it only was going to add about 3 months to his life span, and it made him so bad that he couldn't even stand up. It's been a few months now.

Well, I found out last night at 8:45 that he is now going into hospice. I take my ACT this Saturday, then I'm going down to see him at a ball game. This will be the last time I will ever see him. He's only in his 50's. He has been a part of my life since my birth. I wanted so badly to cry last night, but my family acts as though I shouldn't. They told me not to freak out because I knew this was going to happen.

Sure, I knew it was eventually going to come to this... But that doesn't mean I wanted to or chose to really believe it. This really adds to the stress I've been dealing with lately. Along with constant studying, pressure over grades, feeling like a disappointment, and depression along with my severe anxiety...and a sinus infection.

Guys, life is hard.

  1. SAFLove avatar

    On Mon, May 5, 2014 at 12:39 AM, SAFLove said:

    Sweetheart .. your life is hard so is mine i almost die everyday...but im not comparing in a bady way just saying theres levels of hardness i wouldnt speak against anywones view of hard but. We all need to look to see the hope if any.. and i told you about some hope the first time i spoke about your grandfather... re read it ..love you mitchie

  2. SAFLove avatar

    On Mon, May 5, 2014 at 12:36 AM, SAFLove said:

    A ball game?

  3. KandyKorn24 avatar

    On Sun, Apr 13, 2014 at 12:14 AM, KandyKorn24 said:

    CRY! Please, let out ALL of your feelings. Nobody has the right to tell you how you are supposed to feel. Find a safe and comfortable place and let it ALL out. It won't take away the hurt, pain or the sadness you feel, but it will help with ALL the tension and stress. Stress is a bad one to have bottled up inside. Write him a letter and give it to him and let him have ALL the time he needs to read it. Put it on paper and let him read it how he sees fit too. It's just a different way of expressing yourself other then speaking. It also gets computed to us differently. I hope that is making sense! At least you have the opportunity to say "Goodbye" and express your feelings to him. That, is a gift. I unfortunately, never got that opportunity when my husband BOB passed away. It was so sudden. His passing was caused by negligence, which was wrongful death! Take care of yourself, the best you can. Listen to lots of KORN songs and smile that nice smile you have. One day at a time, that's ALL you can do......BABYSTEPS!
    Like MikeyD said You both are also in my prayers too.

  4. Mitchie avatar

    On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 8:30 AM, Mitchie said:

    Thank you so much. Tomorrow I'll take my ACT and then I'll be going straight there...

  5. Mitchie avatar

    On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 8:25 AM, Mitchie said:

    I want to thank all of you for your support and encouragement. it means a lot to me. You guys all mean so much to me. Thank you so much.

  6. ScReaMingShibA avatar

    On Thu, Apr 10, 2014 at 9:03 PM, ScReaMingShibA said:

    It is saddening to hear about your grandfather, and I am so sorry. Life is confusing sometimes and most of the time things just don't make sense. But I don't think anyone will ever be used to sickness or death, so don't feel you should be. It is the hardest thing to go through and the hardest thing to understand. I agree with what the others commented, crying is okay, it's how you get out those emotions. When you see your grandfather on Saturday, create a beautiful memory. Try not to think about anything negative and enjoy the precious time you have with him. God bless both of you.

  7. Kaji avatar

    On Thu, Apr 10, 2014 at 6:57 PM, Kaji said:

    I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. It's an awful thing to have to deal with. While life does eventually go on... it does so provided you have time to grieve, and as MikeyD says, cry when you want to. Seeing him again, one last time, is something you can hold onto for the rest of your life. At least he will go knowing that he is loved and will be missed.

  8. MikeyD avatar

    On Thu, Apr 10, 2014 at 5:09 PM, MikeyD said:

    Hey Mitchie,
    I am so sorry to hear of your grandfather's battle and the effect it is having on you. You are right, life is hard and only becomes harder the longer we live.
    My advice to you is to enjoy every last moment with him! Embrace it, make it a memory you'll treasure with every childhood memory you will carry with you forever!
    And cry when you have to, laugh when you want to, but most of all, just be you!
    Your both in my prayers

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