Demons

Thu, Sep 13, 2012 at 6:45 AM By: Sunset_Tahoe

On Monday of this week was the last time I ever took any drugs. I had a nervous breakdown bawling to my mother as to how I'm about to die if I don't stop doing what I'm doing. Popping pills was the worst addiction besides monster energy drinks. Ever since I told my mom that all the things I have done have brought me down so deep that I realized that I want to live even though I'm close to my death now. Maybe I may have another chance at living now that I have released my demons. I've been hiding all these years. Today is also my 18th birthday. I want to stay clean like Jonathan. I hate the feeling of me nearly dying because of my mistakes. One friend I have left keeps crying to me everyday because he wants me to keep living. Every time I had pushed him away he always came back. He doesn't want to lose me to drugs and addictions. I don't want to either. It's sad to see myself this way. I'm not sure what gave me the strength to stop. Maybe it was him, screaming at me through text messages and in my dreams. Nights I have cried myself to sleep because I didn't know if I would wake up the next day. Maybe today is my last day. I'm currently attending college and living on my own now and have a job. It seems that all of my mistakes have caught up with me. I'll listen to Jon's words to give me the strength to get through this trial of pain. "Dying is a trial I've been to... This is the time for truth and pain" it was hard to tell my mom all the things I have done because I was expecting her to hate me and throw me in jail. Instead she took me in her arms and told me "I'll be damned if I ever leave you again" I'm beginning to feel better now that I don't have this dead weight on me from all the years of dirt I have done only just to make myself "happy". Sometimes I wind why am I still alive. Why was I given another chance. If i were someone else I wouldn't give me a second chance, but I'm a harsh bitch like that. I've come along this far, why should I stop now? Thank you mom and Justin for supporting me all this time.

Sometimes I wonder... Back in July I stopped talking to my best friend because I was so depressed about not having anybody respect me at all. But one day I was beginning to miss him and I looked down at my phone and saw that I had a new message. I thought it was from a friend from another state. Nope, it was him. He was asking me for advice about his ex girlfriend. I had a major panic attack because I was just getting used to the fact that we were never going to talk again. Thank you for coming back into my life yet again.

  1. jayjay avatar

    On Mon, Sep 24, 2012 at 4:04 PM, jayjay said:

    DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKES I MADE?,IM 43 NOW AND WISH I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID,IVE BEEN CLEAN SINCE MY 40TH.I AM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE,UN LIKE MY LAST 2 GIRL FREINDS WHO DIED.WHEN I GOT TO MY 40TH,I THOUGHT,THATS IT,HAVENT HAD A DRINK SINCE,AND NO DOPE.,ITS STILL PAINFULL,BUT ITS GETTING LESS EVERY DAY.ITS ALL ABOUT WILL POWER,ITS TOUGH,BUT ITS WORTH IT IN THE END.PEACE AND LOVE,MY FREIND.

  2. StrangeSub avatar

    On Fri, Sep 14, 2012 at 7:49 AM, StrangeSub said:

    I'm also VERY proud of you! You're making a HUGE job by getting over it! You are strong and you can inspire people around you! Never be upset and think positive! You can always find people, who will support you and you can always find the music like KORN to improve your mood every day! :)

  3. Killroy avatar

    On Thu, Sep 13, 2012 at 8:41 AM, Killroy said:

    Im so proud of you for stopping everything and letting yourself break.. so many of us try to just keep holding on and fighting threw but the truth is some times we have to let ourselves be broken to become truly beautiful. every now and then we need to let ourselves go and allow others to get us threw. you inspire me so much.. i dont have any problems with drugs but depretion and suicide are always on my mined.. i was going to shoot my self last night but because of sercomstances we didn't get any guns out at the fire i went to.. im glad i didn't so that i could see this, the declaration of your desire to live. you have no idea how happy this makes me.

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