Concept Poem

Thu, Oct 24, 2013 at 6:28 AM By: Silent Metal

Hey everyone, I wrote a poem, not something I do often but I had an idea and ran with it. It's about war from a soldiers point of view and the consequences. Each line ends with the same suffix, intentionally because I wished to try something unique. Feedback would be much appreciated. Enjoy :).

As my wounds are wracked with molestation
And my bloods coagultion
Shares it's red with all these nations
My pain's replaced with burnt sensations
It fills my lungs with black cremation
I give in to cancelation
Of this life wrought with tarnation
It brings freedom from my desecrations
And ends with this final salutation

I cannot stop this salivation
Hungry for my own deprivation
It decomposes my determination
A dark and soulless fermentation
Is war worth the decapitation
Of an entire generation?
Consider this evaluation:

War means certain condemnation
The only outcome can be devastation
The innocent are raped of rightful evasion
From this beast of careless delegation
They become targets for this separation

Our hearts begin their slow deflation
As we face worldwide obliteration
These acts of cruelty require our participation
This cannot have escaped your observation
So why must we face this bitter temptation
To walk the road of soul incarceration

Is this a shocking revelation?
Perhaps our leader must use reservation
Next time, conflict deserves full consideration...

Lest we take the path of our own damnation

  1. pandemonium23 avatar

    On Sat, Nov 23, 2013 at 10:20 PM, pandemonium23 said:

    Even though I am a little late on this comment, I want to say you did a great job of conveying your message in this poem, I can feel the violence within your words, the hopelessness of war, and the soldier's point of view is perfectly conveyed! I love it! You should try writing more, and experiment with rhyming patterns, and other sorts of things!

  2. Silent Metal avatar

    On Sat, Oct 26, 2013 at 6:16 PM, Silent Metal said:

    Thanks guys :)

  3. jayjay avatar

    On Thu, Oct 24, 2013 at 3:47 PM, jayjay said:

    NICE! When I was reading it I could feel a beat in my mind, Quite amazing. Never heard of so many " Ation's" at the end of a poem.=)

  4. KornLoveForEver avatar

    On Thu, Oct 24, 2013 at 2:52 PM, KornLoveForEver said:

    Nice One ;)

  5. JPrice191 avatar

    On Thu, Oct 24, 2013 at 12:58 PM, JPrice191 said:

    not really into poems all that much.. but it sounded pretty good to me! great writing..

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