i love playing rpg...i really dig it and go deep into..i put myself in evey character i play...i have 3 main characters and i put myself into each of them...they are so different, but all of them are me..different parts of me. i love all of them and not everything i do with them is like fake or what, somehow, its me, its who i am.
between good and evil
gia is me the most, shes a chaos of my soul, shes the lost one, the one who doesnt know, who she is or who she would like to be..if she wants to be good or bad...sometimes shes so fascinated with the dark side, that she wants to sink into it but yet again her consciousness doesnt allow her. its like a demon and an angel fight for her soul and she hasnt decided yet who she will be listening to, shes a lost soul, she wants to be good but evil seduces her, she wants to be bad but trying to be good is her destiny, she plays bad, when shes good, and when she wants to be good, she gives up to evil. but all in all she would help anyone asking her or upset or suffering, as she is sensitive and cannot stay indifferent for others pain. she is the depressive one, sad one, who accepts her pain and adores it in some freaky way, she loves to be unhappy, and fears to be happy, she fears and worries all teh time, she loves the depth of suffering and cant imagine her life without it. its tripping but somehow her life is more bearable when shes unhappy..happiness is boring and empty, hurt means feeling alive. i fill her with all the sadness and pain of my soul and when its too full and splits over the cup, im running away to selene.
selene is a dark one, the evil one, ready to do everything to get what she wants, she has consciousness of course but she can shut it up perfectly, no, she isnt totally evil...she has some goodness in her soul, not everything she does is for her pleasure or convenience, no matter how much she claims it hiding the truth even from herself...as she doesnt like her good self thinking its weak and boring. but for real, this fact that she isnt totally evil, makes her more interesting. she is that power that always wanting evil, and always does good. shes all what is dark in me, all what is bad in me, all the evil instincts, all the dark thoughts, all the selfish reactions, the independence and negative emotions, she knows what she wants and consequently goes to get it. but she can love too, her emotions are the strongest one, she has fun, plays bad, but under that mask she is a sensitive person too, she just overcomes it for a wish, as she rejects this part of her ego, though she cannot kill it, she is who she is, and she isnt happy too, even if it seems to be, and even if she claims that her deeds make her happy, thats her way to deal with pain. shes the sick one too, pleasure in pain, is her motto of a choice, but shes not that bad as she claims to be or wants to seem for others. and when im done with this amount of evil im resting on the islands of peace and love in arms of alia.
the shinning at night
alia is a good part of me, is a sweetheart, loving and caring, a bit selfish, but she is just good, treats everybody good, tries to help, always has a good word, shes forgiving and she would do everything for those who she loves or is responsible for, she coudnt do no harm, even to those that hurt her, she would fail on trying, because her good heart doesnt allow her to harm others...even if she thinks she is able to...she realizes each time she cant, she loves and gives love, shes sweet to the bits, shes too sweet, too good, that cannot be real, shes overwhelmed by the 2 others, stronger personalities, she just comes up to the surface from time to time to shine for others and herself, its me feeling good, and being normal not fucked up as usual..and thats rare...