i am alive!

Wed, Jul 3, 2013 at 7:41 PM By: Figure09

This song... This song is like i could'a wrote it myself... I honestly think it's amazing. Since none of you guys know this, i'll tell you now that since my mom died (6 months ago) i've been deep in this hole... Of anger and hatred. Angry with God, for takin my brother, dad and now my mom too. Angry with my family, since i've been through rough times like a motherfucker, ranging from having bed bugs in my shitty apartment, no water, no electric, being homeless, having to walk ridiculous distances since i had no car, and other shit. The list goes on.

I fell in this hole when i witnessed my brother die when i was nine. I was a little kid, i didn't understand anything. But since the beginning of me being a teenager, that's when i sunk. I would yell at my family and push them away to a point where it's weird to say i love them. But that's not my fault, my mom never showed me that kind of affection.

About my dad, i've never had a close relationship with him. I would echo all the bad things my mom said about him because that's what you're supposed to do, right?

WRONG. DON"T do that. Because one morning, a week before my 13th birthday, she asked me what i thought about him. i told her "He's a jerk and he needs to pay his child support!" She then told me that he died last night, from a heart attack. She told me the funeral was on my birthday. My eyes instantly widened as I recollected my memories of him. Like the times he took me and my little sister to a restaurant and we would talk to each other. Like the time when he told me he loved me and that he would pay my college funds. Like the last time i ever saw him and he gave me a kiss on my head and i wiped it away because i thought i hated him. But I never did. I didn't even know what true hate felt like until I met my mom's "boyfriend."

Who was the biggest piece of trash i've ever met. He used her, lead her on, stood her up. I asked my mom why she never left him, she never listened to me. So we argued about it until she couldn't stand me.

One time he slapped her and i went into rage. I went into the room, picked up the heaviest toy i could find and threw it at him. Oh how i wished it hadn't missed.

So it's about a year later and my mom tells him she has cancer, he was in jail, so he couldn't see her. Good. I didn't want him near her anyway.

More time passes, Even my 15th birthday being spent in the hospital with her. Then her death, which still haunts me to this day.


But, I think it's safe to say i'm out of that hole. Music has played a huge role in my healing, and climbing. Without it, i probably would have gone insane. Alive... This song describes how i'm feelin right now... Happy, bright. I just wanna write the lyrics down and show you why this song is like i could have wrote it.

I cannot ever find a way
To throw these darkened thoughts away
Need a place to hide
It's thrown in my face everyday
Guess that's the price I have to pay
For what's inside my mind.

Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!

I am alive
I will never run away
Places inside
My heart screams inside with pride
Once I cried
Now I wipe away the tears
Once I died
Now I'm alive.

Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!

Little things tempt me everyday
Constant pain is how I like to play
Better not cross that line
Voices in my head have to be saved
It's something I can't throw away
What's inside my mind.

I am alive
I will never run away
Places inside
My heart screams inside with pride
Once I cried
Now I wipe away the tears
Once I died
Now I'm alive.

I find my time
I'm in a twine
I'm falling in this place I thought I left behind.

I find my time
I'm in a twine
I'm falling in this place I thought I left behind.
(We are so alive!)

I find my time
I'm in a twine
I'm falling in this place I thought I left behind.
(We are so alive!)

I find my time
I'm in a twine
I'm falling in this place I thought I left behind.
(We are so alive!)

Alive!
Alive!
Alive!
Alive!

I am alive
I will never run away
Places inside
My heart screams inside with pride
Once I cried
Now I wipe away the tears
Once I died
Now I'm alive.

  1. Marlon RockoRner Cifuentes Lopez avatar

    On Fri, Jul 5, 2013 at 3:58 PM, Marlon RockoRner Cifuentes Lopez said:

    really really! im so sorry about your mom cause i was have an experience about like this my mom was die too since 4 years ago and im so miss her she was have Cancer Melanoma and i understand how you felt right! but if you dont mind here youve a friend!

  2. avangardeify avatar

    On Fri, Jul 5, 2013 at 6:09 AM, avangardeify said:

    I'm sorry about all you have been through, this is really a tough story. You can be very proud of yourself that you became the good person you are now. I too wish you all the best, you definately deserve it!! xxx

  3. Sensitive avatar

    On Thu, Jul 4, 2013 at 3:49 PM, Sensitive said:

    \m/

  4. jayjay avatar

    On Thu, Jul 4, 2013 at 4:40 AM, jayjay said:

    WOW man, That is a life you have had, that most of us should go through in a life time! Hope you find happiness in your life, there is light at the end of the tunnel, You always have some one to talk to on this site. That was an amazing story.=)

  5. Silent Metal avatar

    On Wed, Jul 3, 2013 at 11:56 PM, Silent Metal said:

    You are a strong person to deal with these tragedies and continue feeling alive, good luck demon :).

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