what to do, what to do
So, I have been taking time off, not working, not doing much of anything really. I got unemployment from my last job and I decided that it was a blessing, I had been begging, and praying I would get a break. Before that I felt like I was running around like a crazy person, and like I didnt have much of a choice of what to do in my life. So i wanted this break so badly
Pretty much, I just needed some time to figure out things in my life, like what I wanted to do, how I was going to get myself out of certain tough situations... where I wanted to go in life. My life has always seemed so busy, I never had any time for myself... I'm always going going going.... but I have done tons and tons of soul searching. I still live to help and support other people. I have been using a lot of my time to teach myself things since I do not have an option for schooling right now. It just is not financially an option for me. Thats ok for now, but eventually I am going to want to.
I needed some space, you know... I am only 23... but I have LIVED those 23 years to the maximum. I have done so much for my age, and seen and learned so much. I love my life, but sometimes i just feel so shit on. I do all these things for people, yet I dont get any recognition. The people in this town are so greedy and so selfish. I dont really care about recognition, the whole moral of the story is to make someone else happy... but these people will just bleed you dry, and suck the life out of you... and when you have nothing left to give... they ask for more, and spit on your name because i cant help them anymore. I mean, what the hell? You would think they would turn around and help you out once in awhile... i have not worked for almost a year now. And i needed that. It felt great. I helped so many people, I took time for myself. I did what i wanted, whenever I wanted. But now I am broke, and now I dont have anything, or anyone...
I mean, several of my friends have come to me in their time of need, whatever it may be, whether it was for money... or they were homeless, lost their job and apartment, boyfriend/girlfriend... and i have never turned them down... the only thing i asked was for it to be taken into consideration that i did it... for them to pay me back when they could. I have not been cheated this way just once, or twice.... but over 15 times. That is just with my home, letting people stay in my home... that is not counting hand outs.
What is wrong with people that they dont have shame in their life? That they can take so selfishly and not give anything back? Sometimes I feel like I am the only nice person left. I know that I'm not. There are several people out there who have lived similar lives.
Thats what Korn is all about... giving support to those who grew up with shit on their backs... loving the unloved. I grew up in a fucked up household... everything was terrible, it sucked. I hated my family, I was neglected by everyone that was supposed to love me. It seems the cycle never ends. Everywhere I go, the people are all the same.
No amount of time off will change that void, I guess.