My half empty glass

Sun, Jul 24, 2011 at 2:40 PM By: KnifeMaster

Usually when I sit down to post a blog I take my time, organize my thoughts, and try to write in a smooth and poetic fashion. Not today, though. A lot has been on my mind these days. College, my career, my future, the annoying fact that the Bengals have opted to hire Marvin Louis again. But I can’t seem to rid my mind of pessimistic and overall disparaging thoughts. I have come to the not so surprising realization that I am probably the most cynical mother fucker I’ve ever met.

It’s as if hope is a far off and outlying idea meant only for me to gaze at longingly from a distance. I’ve accepted this, though. Embraced it, even. The only aspect of my cynicism that I flat out don’t understand is the source.

Holden Caulfield was misunderstood and neglected. Rorschach was abused and bullied. Dr. House experienced deep emotional and physical pain. But me? I live in a nice house with loving parents who have never failed in providing me with everything I could ever need and more and this fall I am attending college to further my education so as to improve my overall quality of life in the future.

So what is the reason for my deep rooted cynicism? Why do I feel the need to look at everything and everybody with absolute contempt? Why is my glass always half empty?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. But within the past few days I have learned things about people. Truly heart breaking things. And I can look at their life full of misery and despair and still see smiles, laughter, and hope shining through. But I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why it is that my view of the world is so potently negative.

I don’t mean to come off as depressed or suicidal or anything like that. Because I’m not. I just lack the hopeful demeanor that I so frequently see in others. And I desperately long for it.

  1. pfloydmaster avatar

    On Sun, Jul 24, 2011 at 7:30 PM, pfloydmaster said:

    I'm like Shaw...I don't have the answers but I DO understand you...more than you realize! Hmmm...maybe I should write a blog about this so you'll know...nah.

  2. Shawshank avatar

    On Sun, Jul 24, 2011 at 4:24 PM, Shawshank said:

    Well I sure don't have the answers, but I think your source of cynicism is in how hard you are on yourself. You are the sweetest person I know and have a lot of talent, especially when it comes to writing. I think that you and most other people haven't treated yourself like you are good enough just the way you are. If you don't believe in yourself, it's hard to believe in the world.

    By the way, I believe in you. 110 percent.

  3. KnifeMaster avatar

    On Sun, Jul 24, 2011 at 2:56 PM, KnifeMaster said:

    haha. But my pessimistic tendencies do not allow me to see the advantages to being pessimistic. It's like a vicious circle. lol

  4. Abdul Alhazred avatar

    On Sun, Jul 24, 2011 at 2:52 PM, Abdul Alhazred said:

    It seems to me that, like introverts, pessimists get the short end of the stick when it comes to their natural predisposition. You can work it to your advantage, though. Being able to single out the worst has its advantages over going through life in a happy bubble.

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