Aging Humor

Mon, Jul 30, 2012 at 12:49 PM By: Burnt KoRn

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
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Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.
____________________________________________________________________
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
____________________________________________________________________
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
____________________________________________________________________
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
____________________________________________________________________
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For Fast Relief".
____________________________________________________________________
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

  1. george donovan avatar

    On Thu, Aug 9, 2012 at 10:54 AM, george donovan said:

    brilliant
    XD

  2. Figure09 avatar

    On Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 10:41 AM, Figure09 said:

    thats funny XD

  3. RUBENRCKS avatar

    On Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 12:03 AM, RUBENRCKS said:

    id like to think of Dorian Grey....

  4. Katie Levy avatar

    On Mon, Jul 30, 2012 at 10:25 PM, Katie Levy said:

    LOL love these man!!

  5. pfloydmaster avatar

    On Mon, Jul 30, 2012 at 8:04 PM, pfloydmaster said:

    "My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

    Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be."

    This is friggin' great!!!!

  6. cdu avatar

    On Mon, Jul 30, 2012 at 8:00 PM, cdu said:

    Made me think of my grandmother :)

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